he thought i was a dude.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
