A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
