i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
