the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your topless pictures make me question reality
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
