I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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