we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
