Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
