He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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