Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
