Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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