ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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