I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
