I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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