I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
