I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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