Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
