I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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