she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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