You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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