you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
