He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
