Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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