i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
