Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
