my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
