I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
