Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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