May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize
