Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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