i was born a porn star she said
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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