Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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