Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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