I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
