Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he thought i was a dude.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
