there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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