Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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