Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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