yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
