You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
