I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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