everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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