He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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