I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Damn victory sex feels great
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
