ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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