I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
