I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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