it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
