i think my mom watched the whole time
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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