My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
