youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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