Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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