I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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